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fossil gorge

November 2008



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Jan. 28th, 2008

Devonian Fossil Gorge


Finding resources

I just found out that there is a program here that matches parents with children in foster care with parents who have been through the whole process and been RU'd. I'd heard of it, but didn't know it was already in existence.

There's also a support group for moms who have kids in foster care or who are in danger of losing their kids. They even have an online forum and weekly meetings. Of course, I can't participate because I've never been hooked on meth.

So, I'm going to look into the first program, and find out if there are any other resources out there for parents who don't do meth, or if saying that I've done meth would hook me up with more support/resources.

I'd found out on my own that there is a good program for parents with kids in foster care in NYC  but I had to know the exact name of the program here and do a bunch of Googling until I found a pdf that had the contact info in it. 

Dec. 5th, 2007



(no subject)

Can we make really long posts here? Because if so, I need to vent about our CPS situation in Ontario Canada.

Oct. 19th, 2007

Vlad in box



The first time I ever met up in RL with people I knew online, they introduced me to a card game they called Mau. Part of the game was that there was no explanation of the rules, and that one player was God, and God could change the rules at will. I figured out pretty quickly that you had to discard and match the suit or the number of the last discard. Beyond that, it was pretty confusion. One person would discard the queen of hearts and say "RuPaul", and the next person would discard the queen of spades and say "Elizabeth". With the fours, the first person said "John" and I copied him and said "John" at which point God said "Wrong Beatle" and I got a penalty card. It took me most of the evening to figure out the rules, and even then it was because they would answer specific questions, like "So, which Beatle corresponds with which suit of cards?". Of course, I introduced it to other people later, although I did have the feeling it'd be more fun with a few experienced players and one newbie to mess with.

CPS seems to be like that. They can't tell someone to leave their spouse, but they can find excuses to keep kids in foster care until the parent leaves the relationship with the history of abuse. In some cases, they suspect sexual abuse, but can't prove it, so they play up the things they can prove. Of course, they're not Allison DuBois, they're just going by their own personal instincts, and they're overworked, and if they leave a child with the family and that child gets hurt or killed, they can be held responsible. Statistically, there's a 41% chance of repeat incidence of abuse if the abuser is getting help, and there's a 50% chance that spousal abuse will eventually lead to child abuse. So, that's about a 20% chance that a child will eventually be abused if left in a family where there had been some incident of abuse in the past. It's better than the Millenium Falcon's chances in an asteroid field, but it's not good enough to bet your job on.

At first, I'd thought they just smoked massive amounts of crack and then threw darts at the wall to decide the fate of families. Now, I'm starting to figure out that it's not what is said, it's what's not said, and parents have to read between the lines and figure it out. Oh, and I suspect that book learning counts way more than common sense- if the books say that "Genital play is a sign of sexual abuse" then they get suspicious if the kid is doing some self-exploration, even though anyone who's ever taken care of kids knows they all do that at a certain age. Seeing the results of actual abuse must be sickening and make social workers have serious doubts about humanity (hey, I read stories like this one and I feel ashamed to a member of the same species as her), so they end up williarding*.

*My husband verbed my father. "To williard" is to find something negative in any thing, person, or situation, while ignoring all positives.

Oct. 13th, 2007

Devonian Fossil Gorge


(no subject)

Linn County CPS does such a great job of protecting children!

Well, they do a great job of protecting children from dangers like living in a home that has nasty gunk under the fridge, but I guess that's easier than figuring out what parent is going to shake their baby to death.

I've also done some reading up on another big CR news story- Jetseta Gage. She was born with spina bifida (which is linked with lack of prenatal care) and fetal alcohol syndrome (which is caused by the mother's alcoholism). She was repeatedly molested by her mother's boyfriend. After the sexual abuse was finally reported, the mother allowed the abuser's brother, who was also a registered sex offender, to come over to her house to fix her car, and he took that opportunity to kidnap the girl, rape her and murder her (possibly not in that order).

So, the mother's poor decisions and bad judgment repeatedly resulted in Jetseta being hurt, and eventually killed.

I'm frustrated and angry, and wish there was a more reliable way to predict these things. Economic factors aren't reliable, abuse can happen in well-off families. Mental health might be a better indicator, but it takes forever to get testing done and results back, and some people suspect that when the testing is paid for by CPS, the tests usually have the results CPS was hoping for.

In our case, the woman who made the decision to remove our children has seen us with our children for about 5 seconds, and they were asleep at the time. She's never seen how we interact with them, and has no idea what kind of parents we are. She has a degree in radiology.
It'd really take a psychic to accurately predict which children were in danger, but CPS could at least find someone with a degree in a field related to social work or some other special qualification to make life and death decisions.

Jul. 25th, 2007

Devonian Fossil Gorge


Ideas for change

Doing some brainstorming today, I came up with a few ideas to improve CPS.

1. Have 2 different kinds of TPR 2. Independent Review Board 3. Foster GrandparentsCollapse )

So, got any other ideas? We all know the system has problems, but what could realistically be done to make it better?

Jul. 13th, 2007



New members are encouraged to introduce themselves. Due to the nature of this topic, you might feel safer using a friends-only security setting. If you are just lurking, you might be able to see more posts by becoming a member.

Jul. 6th, 2007

kids sleeping



There are plenty of boards/forums for foster parents. There are also a few sites for parents who have had their kids placed in foster care, or are being investigated. However, there is a tendency towards a "fosters vs bios" mindset, which is unfortunate: we all care about the children, and we all get frustrated with a system that too frequently does not do what is best for the children.

I set up this community to try to bring ALL kinds of parents together, to see the situation from other points of view, so we can better understand the problems and find solutions.

Please treat each other with respect. While there are horrible, abusive biological parents and horrible abusive foster parents and horrible social workers who abuse their power or just don't do their jobs, let's assume that none of those people will be posting here.

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